fantasy bball offseason

Regrets, remorse, and beating a dead horse

2004-09-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

Although adam and i have yet to reserve NBA LIVE 2005, we encourage everyone who is still reading this to do so. Little did we know that the last time we all played together would indeed be the last time in Adam and Josh's basemen whilst playing NBA LIVE 2004. I dunno when all of us are going to get together for some more 4 v 4....but wherever and whenever it is....save a seat for bill.

RIP "playing NBA 2k2, NBA LIVE 2003, and NBA LIVE 2004 in Josh and Adam's basement"

I look forward to seeing all of you here in the Chicagoland area during winter and possibly spring break. Except for Adam seeing as how he'll be basking in the warmth of socal sun for probably both holidays.

Anywho...gotta give a shout out to the following peeps:

- Warkins (happy birthday waffle iron)
- Zwan
- Moschel
- Groot
- Josh
- McStay

...i guess that wasn't necessary since these are probably the only people who are posting on here...but yeah...

Oh! and everyone start getting psyched for Yahoo NBA Fantasy League...I dunno who the Commish is this year...but we're doing head to head.....

/end transmission

-billy

Live in August

2004-07-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

will everyone be home aug 18-20? I was looking to come home then for our last hurrah... *sniffle*

Death Is The Starlit Strip Between The Companionship Of Yesterday And The Reunion Of Tomorrow

2004-06-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

Mark Twain once said, "the reports of my death are greatly exaggerated." The state of the Lakers is not quite as bleak as it may seem, but I’ll get into that later. Let me preface this post by saying to all of you formally, you were people I played Live with, but, more importantly, you were men I could call friends. It would seem this is a commodity far and in between. Too often we take for granted that which we have been blessed with. I would like to think that we could again, one day, rediscover this same passion for this game we call "Live."

Additionally, this post has been inundated by movie references, hopefully you know the movies I refer to.
Nevertheless, this would not be a true post did it not have one or two scathing remarks about all of you. As a mutual friend of yours and mine, Maury Ballstein alter ego once said, "It's time for the airing of greivences. I got a lotta problems with you people!" Mainly, these scathing remarks will be against anyone who sought to exacerbate my situation by finding pleasure in the Lakers loss, mainly Adam and Bill. An anonymous source has told me that in a phone conversation with his brother, Adam Jeharajah, Adam revealed to him that upon learning of Shaq's possible trade to the Queens, as he so eloquently refers to them, he couldn't help but picture him in an alarmingly tight fitting jersey and shorts. Ugh. Save it for your fantasies you closet-Shaq-loving-perv. Now, on to other business. In the same conversation, this anonymous source revealed to me the origin of Adam's roomate, William Shang Tsung Lee's nickname of "50,000 dimes." While many of you, upon learning of this nickname, may have believed that it was a basketball term in reference to possible video games, it’s actually not. Apparently, Adam asked this ostensible member of the Math Counsel how many dimes there were in ten dollars, to which Lee replied unapologetically, "50,000 dimes." Yea, you're probably wondering the same thing I am, where in the fuck, Mr. Lee, did you get the five from? On a side note, for those non-math counsel members, there are not, in fact, 50,000 dimes in ten dollars, but that's neither here nor there. Regardless, let's just say the Math Counsel is greatly displeased upon learning of this news, and we shall convene to decide Bill's fate, most likely forced exile a la the scene from "Judge Dread" in which Max Von Sydow is banished in exchange for allowing Sylvester Stallone to live. On a side note, perhaps a more appropriate punishment for Bill would be to force him to watch Rambo II: First Blood over and over again, especially for the gun vs. bow and arrow scene, but especially for the sleeping bazooka in helicopter scene. Then again, the greatest Bill Lee-related punishment would be to exploit his one human weakness, his inability to eat more than one slice of cake. This would be reminiscent of the scene from Matilda, in which Principal Trunchbull forces the fat kid to eat a whole cake without milk, pronounced “melk,” in front of the whole school. For those of you confused by this analogy, Bill would play the fat kid. But I detract. Know, Bill, that I have been supplied with several embarrassing stories, including a reported William Hung imitation (possibly or possibly not while drunk in a cafeteria, armed with a camera) and a “I’m a tree-hugging-queer-hippy who likes to twirl lilacs, take long walks on the beach, and hug Ritchie in the back seat of cars in front of a bus-load of menacing looking school children” story. So know this Bill, any one-on-one tournament we have, you’ll have to put up with the detractingly arbitrary trash talk. Either that or I’ll remind you about the time I dropped 100 on you with Michael Redd.

By the way, Mosch, that was a real funny comment about Dirk. But I don’t ever recall once calling him “Irk,” and I wouldn’t randomly mess up someone’s name, Brain. I’m not even completely sure what that is in reference to, obviously something sexual, but I guess it’s just over my head. But while we’re on the subject, trading Dirk Nowitzki for Shaq would be the worst trade ever. Ever. (A Shaq for Webber and Stojakovic deal might not be so bad.) It would be worse than the time Dirk was traded on draft night for Tractor Trailor. Kobe can’t carry Dirk. (And by the way, that was a true story about Dirk and his hair, and Dirk even has acting ability, as we all know after seeing Like Mike in which he asked Bow Wow for his autograph for his niece, who he alleged was also named Dirk.) But if we’re talking Dirk and Hair Canada, then I would have to think about it. Regardless, I would have chosen Kobe, too, but if at all possible, they have to keep these two guys together. I also got into a fight with Adam about who was a better duo, Shaq and Kobe or Michael and Scottie, while the latter duo was great, MJ carried Scottie moreso than Shaq does Kobe. Adam also claims that Tmac is better offensively and defensively than Kobe, when Kobe made first team all nba and first team defensive. He also says that if Shaq plays in Dallas, Michael Finley will be better than Kobe is, and Finley will average 25 a game, and make both first teams as well. This seems like a bit of a stretch. Nevertheless, the Lakers will be all right in the end, as long as they keep one of the big two. I will say this though, Groot, possibly we wouldn’t have lost in the finals ( I know, I shudder when I think about it too, Ryan in cornrows) if we actually had a decent back up four. Not that no-talent ass-clown “I can’t rebound for shit” Brian Cook. Waste of a fucking draft pick, where the hell did he learn how to play basketball.

On to another anecdotal side story concerning Adam. Everyone knows Adam’s love of hating the Lakers, but even Dad was pushed too far when Adam bought a Pistons championship jersey and hat, and started wearing them around. When Dad found out Adam convinced Mom to buy it for him, he was looking for someway to teach Adam a lesson. The next day, Adam was piloting a motorcoach with Dad in the passenger side, and Adam, still swept up in the euphoria of seeing the Lakers lose, told Dad a Lakers story. Reportedly, a sign of the growing dissent between Kobe and Shaq was an incident during a practice in which Shaq slapped Kobe. Adam, while telling Dad the story, excitedly explained, “See, it’s a sign that they hate each other!” to which Neville smugly responded, “I slap you all the time. It doesn’t mean I hate you. Or does it?” to which Adam possibly began to cry. This borders on being one of the funniest quotes I’ve heard in a while, right up there with the scene from Commando with Matrix and Sully.

And Ryan, as for your comments about Phil and Shaq deserting the Lakers, as you believe Adam and I do to you guys now, well, its just not true. (But I did enjoy the analogy comparing me to Shaq while Adam was Phil.) While I agree what Adam calls basketball is not such, I would disagree that we desert you. Adam will still be there, and everytime you see a Lakers highlight, as we win our next title, I’m sure you’ll be reminded of our presence, just as I am of Brian when I see one of his top five, A.H., A.C., B.J., H.T., and K.H. While I do apologize for leaving you guys, I’ll still come back for summers or something. I hope we will still be able to play Live with the same intensidad, although, to be perfectly honest, all of your games could actually use a little more angst. Now, I guess, the championship becomes more like the real championship, a once a year affair. And by the way, I’ll be back mid-August, so mark your calendars. Anyone who isn’t there at that time, I’m through with.

Until then, I leave you with some hilarious quotes from Commando. For those of you who haven’t seen this movie, you ought to, but briefly, Arnold Schwarzenagger plays an ex-Green Beret named John Matrix who is forced to return to his old life of killing people when a group of fellow ex-operatives kidnap his daughter, played by Alyssa Milano, coincidentally. Let’s just say, Matrix takes no prisoners. Especially not Sully, the lackey of the mastermind, Bennet, who kidnapped his daughter. What follows is a synopsis of the film composed entirely of quotes. And remember, Arnold had the really thick accent back then. This may or may not be funny for you. It should be for Groot and Zach, they watched it with me.

Matrix: [To the Stewardess, after killing a man in the plane] Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired.

Matrix: Don't break radio silence until they see me.
Cindy: How will I know?
Matrix: Because all fucking hell is going to break loose.

Bennet: Your father appears to be cooperating. You will be back with him soon. Won't that be nice?
Jenny: Not as nearly as nice as watching him smash your face in.

Sully: Here's twenty dollars to get some drinks in Val Verde. It'll give us all a little more time with your daughter.
Henriques: Heh.
Matrix: You're a funny man, Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last.

[Five minutes later, Matrix has chased Sully to a cliff edge]
Matrix: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
Sully: That's right, Matrix. You did.
Matrix: I lied.
[Drops Sully from a cliff]

Cindy: What happened to Sully?
Matrix: I let him go.

Gen. Kirby: Keep on the airwaves and let me know if you hear anything unusual.
Soldier: I'll keep at it. What are you expecting?
Gen. Kirby: World War Three.

[Cooke aims a gun at Matrix]
Cooke: Fuck you asshole.
[Gun clicks, gun is empty]
Matrix: Fuck you asshole.

Bennett: Matrix, I'm not going to shoot you between the eyes. I'm going to shoot you between the balls.

[Matrix has thrown a steam pipe through Bennett's chest]
Matrix: Let off some steam, Bennett.

Diaz: Okay, Matrix. We have your daughter. There is someone who wishes to talk to you. If you want to see her alive, you'll cooperate, right?
Matrix: Wrong!
[Shoots Diaz between the eyes]

Lakers are falling apart.

2004-06-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

Take that Josh. Welcome to the Bulls world. Let me be the first to wish the lakers luck with their rebuilding around brian cook and "white magic" Luke Walton.

state of the blog

2004-06-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

this blog needs more posts.

~Z

p.s. i made the bball game i taped in to a DVD and its hella cool.

Lakers Lost

2004-06-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

Lakers Lost.

Lakers Lost.

Weekend

2004-06-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend I will be returning home..I may bring that charachter we call McGay. I expect many gifts in the form of baller id bands. The white player one is my preffered choice so search hard. We will live hard and fast. Ball as well

Punk'd

2004-06-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

Next week (I think) on Punk'd....

Carmello Anthony goes back to his hotel room and there is a 17 year old white girl there drinking. I swear, I'm not making this up. He gets Kobe Punk'd... cant wait.

Zwan

ways to annoy your roomate

2004-06-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

check out this website...it entertained me at work for hours.

http://members.tripod.com/pc_jokes/echo7.htm

I don't know why but every time I read this, I think of Adam.

68. Ask your roommate about their medical plan. If they ask why you are asking just say, "Accidents happen." Make it obvious that you are trying to cover up your laughter.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

18. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

BIGGEST NEWS EVER

2004-06-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.baxter.com/about_baxter/news_room/news_releases/2004/06-07-04-investor_relations.html

Neville is hangin em' up...

Lake Show

2004-06-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

Hey, who won game 1? I was busy um... washing my hair and missed it. Josh, did you see it?

~Zwan

Team BRAG Dynasty

2004-06-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

Its a shame that you guys cannot even get your squad togethor this weekend in order to challenge team BRAGS reign on top of the Live gaming world. I would say we are invincible and laugh in the face of your abilities. I notice that all 4 of our members will not be there and you guys barely bring anything to the table.
Josh will be taking summer classes so he can become a doctor. Since when has helping people meant anything to anyone. Kahn will be in top form but what does that even mean. Some would say I could have a stronger performance playing as Greg Ostertag and only have a pass button. He also cowers away and will not face me in a Dunk off. As for Moschel well lets say you take Peja away from him and he shoots like Ron Artest in the Eastern Conference finals. I dont even have to mention that he can hardly make it all the way downstairs with his "knee" injury. I'm thinking about making a trip to the local supermarket to get him some vagisil. As for McStay, I have about a million reasons why his game is "Weak Sauce". He also claims that he can do a one handed 360 off the backboard dunk with ease and can do any dunk I can do....Sorry had to catch my breath I was laughing so hard. Not only can I do more and better dunks I will do them all two handed with the help from my lovely assistant Adam.
Team Brag will bring its A Game... What will team Mosch and McStay in a thong while Kahn wears a Two Piece with Panty Hos bring to the table. Probably not much like usual but we will see.
-Eric Bana-

Arlington This Week?

2004-05-31T12:38:00.000-07:00

Anyone who is home this week (Adam? Groot? Bill? Mosch?), do you guys wanna go to the track on thursday or friday or something? I'll be home for the week, Ryan will be home for the weekend, we will also be balling. Post comments and we will work it all out. I'll be back Tuesday morning.

~Zwan Out.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy

2004-05-31T12:00:00.000-07:00

OK, so I decided to finally give in and watch all three movies over the weekend. I must say I was quite underwhelmed, although each movie was better than the previous one, I felt all three came up short. I guess I am just not big in to fantasy. Here are my chief complaints.

1) Arwen - Aragorn romance is only on screen at beginning of Fellowship and end of Return of the King. It was underdeveloped, and I thought there was more connection with the chick from Rohan for Aragorn.

2) It takes Sam and Frodo the whole three movie to get to the black gate and in to Moldor. After the battle in the Return of the King, it takes Aragorn and Co. about 10 mins of screen time, completely out of whack.

3) Elijah Wood was awful and Frodo is so unbelievably unlikeable it was unreal.

4) The fight scenes were nothing special, if you want to be an "epic movie" you need better fighting.

5) The ending of Return of the King stretches on FOREVER.

I could go on more, but I will allow people to comment first. Im not saying its the worst movie ever, just not as good as everyone says it was.

~Zwan

Stats2

2004-05-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

Times that Kobe has raped a girl: 1 (possibly 2)
Times that Kobe has looked like and acted like a bitch: 8 (turn it sideways...it'll look like infinity)

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You wanna talk about stats...but that's not everything that makes up a basketball player. And I'm talking about that Greatness=Greatness bullshit. I'm talking about heart. Check out these jokes....these jokes have heart:

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How many kobe bryant's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Kobe does all his screwing in a Colorado resort.

Why did Kobe Bryant buy a dictionary?
To see what the word "No" meant.

Why is Kobe Bryant good at basketball?
Because he forecefully held a woman down and had sex with her against her will.

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As for Shaq's quote....when can we really take what comes out of his mouth seriously?

Shaq: All I want is 7 other players on the court playing with me...that's all.
Shaq: I'm like the Pythagoren Theorem...I have no solution.

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I give props to the Lakers for winning games 1 and 3 and them probably becoming the next NBA Champions. It takes a lot of guts to be whiny bitches; constantly nagging about each other to the press....looking like MORONS and RAPISTS and worst of all...RAPISTS. It takes a lot of skill to woo two future Hall of Famers for a million a piece who were tired of not winning with their respective teams. It takes a lot of skill to buy possibly the most seasoned coaching staff ever. It takes a lot of skill to have celebrities and TV personalities at the game.

Now replace SKILL with MONEY. (Ask Adam J. about what he thinks in terms of the 100 level fans at Staples)

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This team will be divorced in a year. Shaq will obviously stay...but GP is out...and Kobe will go to Denver and play with Carmelo. But in reality he's going back to score a bit more White Poonani. Karl Malone will die swiftly of a hunting accident. And that fucker Devean George will suck cocks so much that his slanted eyes will turn normal again. I site last years 1st round playoffs...Wally's World goes up and gets fouled hard by George. George turns and reaches his hand out to help him up. Wally reaches back, but George takes his hand away. Phil Jackson will also rot in hell. I refer to Game 2 of this series. He WAITS IN THE TUNNEL AFTER THE GAME (like a groupie) in order to tell the refs "not a very good job tonight boys". According to an unnamed source...(adam)....PJ offered an interviewer pot once. Thanks Cheech.

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In short I wish death up on the Lakers...but in the end u gotta give props where props are due. They are unstoppable...and full of seasoned veterans. I hate them.

-billy

PS. I agree with everything that Groot has said and will say. Theo Ratliff what?

Stats

2004-05-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

Game 3 Stats:
Shaquille O'Neal: 22 Points, 7-10 FG, 17 Rebounds, 4 Assists, 4 Blocks
Darrick Martin : 0 Points, 0-2 FG, 0 Rebounds, 1 Assists, 0 Blocks

Shaq, in light of his dominant game 3 performance, again pleaded to reporters that he deserved a maximum contract extension from management. "I won't be devalued, never ever devalued. Everybody wants to play with the Diesel. If I keep playing, my name will be inscripted in the NBA bible for many years to come. That's what it's all about. That's so kids 20 or 30 years down the line from now go, 'Man, O'Neal had 90,000 points. He played until he was 60...and he was still asking for the maximum at 60."
I think that we can all agree that we would love to see Shaq playing until he's 60. And by the way, did I mention that Kobe is gonna be back next year, and the Lakers will be better than ever. And anyone who sees controversy in Zwans championship can bring it up with the Math Counsel. And need I remind you that Zach incorporated not one, but two, Mortal Kombat finishing moves after his dunks, as well as petitioning Neville for a brief assist. I'm not saying that that sealed the title, but it really did. Additionally, who saw the draft? Is there anything funnier than Mike Tirico whispering over Russ Granik after every pick that the pick came as statistically expected? Probably, but in this moment, no, there isn't.

My comments on the 2004 Dunk Contest

2004-05-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

First of all, I applaud andy's dedication to the contest. He could have just did an easy dunk to win the whole competition, but he went for the gusto with two failed windmill attempts. And as for Zwan's "win", if you could call it that. Even though "the judges" aka the math council aka presidents of the Zwan Fan Club aka josh and bill, were truly spellbound by him saying its hammer time then doing a regular two handed dunk, and short of breath when he dunked with a tennis ball and a regular basketball, the only thing those dunks got from me was a big yawn and then a simultaneous roll of mine and andy's eyes when Zwan was declared champion. Eerie how much that competition was similar to the high school dunk competition. How the superior athletes and their high flying dunks lost to an inferior athlete who won on the shoulders of unspectacular dunks. But then again thats just my opinion aka the right opinion.

Raef and Theo 4 Life
PS Moschel invite Bill into this blog!!!

Comments about Zwan and Life

2004-05-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

I officially challenge Zwan and Mark Moschel for the dunk title of all time...I will give them each 5 dunks and they can take there best three scores vs my 3 dunk attempts. I then challenge the both of them to a 1 on 2 game proving my versatility as a scorer and defender. Hell they can even throw in big Mosch as long as I get OONA(Shes so dreamy. I feel bad that the Lakers have advanced this far but am happy that I do not have to grow my hair to the length of corn rows. I do remember Adam telling me the spurs would sweep the lakers. Excellent prediction. He most still be shamed by Big Nevs opinion of his god awful haircut.

You Should be suspended for life

2004-05-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

I wish someone could suspend you, Groot, from making such idiotic comments. Anyone who saw the play saw that faggot CBA fucker throw his throat into Malone's elbow. But regardless, they only lost the game because Shaq decided that he didn't care enough to show up. But they'll bounce back. And since we haven't had a post in a while about the playoffs, how about D-Fish's shot to bury the Spurs. Not only was the shot off in regulation, but he probably got fouled on it. I'm not saying one way or another, but he was definitely fouled. But back to hotkarl, I don't even know the players you listed in your rant. How many are even active? But tonight's game will certainly be a different story. Prediction: Darrick Martin will not outscore Shaq tonight. But that's just me. And maybe this time Javie and those fucking refs won't try and make the Lakers play 4 on 5 like they did last time. And if you didn't see it, now you know how big of a joke the officiating was. And Brian, any mentor of mine, even if he is president, CEO, and emperor of the Math Counsel, would at least heed his own advice, and not dunk or alley-oop to himself everytime we have a precarious ten point lead. And finally, props to Zwan on his 2K4 dunk championship, becoming the first repeat dunk champ ever.

Malone should be suspended for life

2004-05-24T22:17:00.000-07:00

You see that elbow he threw in martins face? and he doesnt miss any time, not that he was helping the lakers anyway. Plus Karl Malone is a serial elbow to face blower. Just ask Isiah Thomas, Steve Nash, Brian Grant and David Robinson. And those are just the ones I can remember. So I ask you guys to support me in my bid to get Karl Malone suspended for life.
Thank You.
Theo Ratliff and Raef Lafrentz 4 life.

Who is Awesome?

2004-05-23T16:17:00.000-07:00

Conversation between Ryan and I at 6:15 pm on Sunday night...

MajorZZ: poll:
MajorZZ: who is most awesome?
MajorZZ: a) McGay
MajorZZ: b) Groot
MajorZZ: c) Vladamir Puten (prime minister of russia)
MajorZZ: d) Anchi
MajorZZ: e) Ryne Sandberg
MajorZZ: f) rich toner
MajorZZ: those r ur options
MajorZZ: rank them, most to least awesome
R Warkins 3: Dick Boner, Anchi, Sandberg, Groot, Puten, Mcstay
MajorZZ: groot over puten huh
MajorZZ: bold.

Lakers in 6?

2004-05-22T15:00:00.000-07:00

T'Wolves win games 2 and 5. Thats my prediction. What do you guys think?

My Big Nev Accomplishment for the Day

2004-05-21T18:01:00.000-07:00

I DID OONA....HE SHOOTS HE SCORES, But for real I did

Neville

2004-05-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

I just think Neville is awesome. Thought I'd throw that out there. It's like he exists on a plane we will never reach. Think about it, and try and do something "neville-like" today.

~Zwan

That Crazy Mosch

2004-05-21T12:02:00.000-07:00

Looks like you got a little too much free time at work.

Hello

2004-05-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

Since fantasy bball is a longa ways away, Zach and JOsh can waste their time posting "articles" here about our 3 on 3 tourney last week (during which Josh dunked multiple times, despite the warnings of his coach and mentor, me).

BMosch